Flirting 101 (Part 1)

Flirting is present in all sorts of culture (Enroll in Soc Sci 3 if you doubt me). It is argued that human beings are social creatures, we can’t live without some form of social interaction. There is then a “need” of having the said interaction which varies in degrees of social distance. Flirting is when a person signals another person that the source of the message is interested with the receiver.

By triangulating biological psychology and evolutionary psychology one may hypothesize that men want sex more than women, hence in the animal kingdom the males tend to copulate with every fertile female to propagate the species. This may be the reason why men interpret women’s friendliness as flirting.

Most culture I know are predominantly patriarchal, and under such cultural backgrounds, sexually aggressive women are sort of taboo. This then leads to women having more subtle or protean styles of flirting. These flirting styles are symbolic gestures that are bound by the prevailing culture’s norms.

In order to analyze these symbolic gestures the researcher would then divide flirting techniques to verbal and non-verbal techniques. Verbal techniques would include both spoken and written language while non-verbal would delve into proxemics and kinesics.

Verbal flirting techniques include flattery, poetry, song/music, moans/grunts (this seems really odd) and the (often cheesy) pick-up lines. Flattery is an obvious way to show your interest, compliments are something that people can’t have enough of. But when using flattery keep in mind the tone of your voice and delivery vìs-a-vìs the context for it is semantically dangerous to have it mistaken for sarcasm; remember your dramatism the actor must utilize both props and stage for his lines to work (Read Dr. Phillip Vannini’s “Will You Marry Me? Spectacle and Consumption in the Ritual of Marriage Proposal”. 2004).

The non-verbal aspect of flirting is rather complex compared to its verbal counterpart, social semiotics have a BIG role on how our gestures would be decoded by the receiver of the message.

Kate Fox (n.d. a) cites the following as places to flirt:

Parties – she notes this as the most “socially acceptable” place to flirt. Aside from celebration, parties are held as social events for people to get acquainted. But beware of what you drink or eat, remember there are date rape drugs (although the taste of “happy brownies” intrigues me). Parties operates on a socially constructed atmosphere of ease and relaxation, anthropologists refer to this as “cultural remission” (Fox. n.d. a).

Drinking Places – This is quite obvious even in TV dramas where the “flirter” sends drinks to the table of the “flirtee” or the casual “can I buy you a drink?” lines. Best line I have heard is from Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged me: Austin Powers: “Those pants are skin tight, how do you get in them?” Felicity Shagwell: “You can start by buying me a drink”. Whenever in drinking places, go to tables if you want to get more intimate. Body shots could also be a means of flirting in drinking places as this showcases your umm... “oral skills”.

Learning Places – Schools/colleges and the likes. Fox notes that the similar environment the two persons revolve around is conducive to flirting (i.e. sharing the same interests etc). Although I must remind you of certain taboos (teacher – student kind of thing).

Workplace – Again, as the category above, flirting here is like skating on thin ice. A friend of mine compared this with sleeping in class: “You were not supposed to but you did”. The thrill of getting caught does up the ante and increases pleasure for thrill seekers (hehe).

Sports/hobbies – There are people who enrols in swimming lessons after they found out that their crush is also a swimmer. Participating in your target’s hobbies increases chances of interaction which then further pushes your wedge into their onion of social layers (I am talking about the Social Penetration theory here, mind you). My psychology professor also once mentioned that similarity is one of the ingredients of inspiring love (Tuazon. 2006) along with proximity and I forgot the third one. Having similar interest may then boosts topics you could talk about.

Spectator Events – Fox (n.d. a) notes this as having the advantage of conversation, flirting in these areas are somewhat limited since the goal of spectator event is to watch and not necessarily interact with fellow audience.
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Sources.
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Fox, Kate. n.d. a. SIRC Guide to Flirting. Social Issues Research Centre
Fox, Kate. n.d. b. The Flirting Report: the advanced guide to flirting. Social Issues Research Centre
Tuazon, Ana Cristina. 2006. In a class discussion
Vannini, Phillip. 2004. Will You Marry Me? Spectacle and Consumption in the Ritual of Marriage Proposal. Journal of Popular Culture, 38: 167-183.
Vannini Phillip and Aaron McCright. 2004. “To Die For: The Semiotic Seductive Power of the Tanned Body”. Symbolic Interaction 27:309-332.